Conflict around money is rarely about money.
Shaunti along with her husband Jeff Feldhahn, bestselling authors and renowned researchers, reveal that conflict around money usually isn’t about money at all. It’s about how money makes us feel. This discovery was startling for the married researchers . . .
Shaunti and Jeff had worked together for more than half of their 25-year marriage but simply could not talk about money, so they essentially handled everything separately. Then they were invited to conduct a massive, three-year “love and money” research project (not their favorite topic!). They were surprised to discover what was really behind their own money conflicts – and why they avoided money issues for two decades. The Feldhahns distilled their key findings into the pages of their new book, Thriving in Love & Money, and they applied those principles to their own relationship. In their words: “It changed everything!”
✦ Fact: Only 23 percent of couples are able to talk about money, and only 19 percent of have a working budget.
✦ Fact: Before launching their “love & money” research, the Feldhahns were among the 77 percent of couples who never talk about money.
✦ Fact: Their “love & money” research project (their ninth major study) changed everything. Jeff and Shaunti finally understand each other’s values and fears around money.
✦ Fact: Now the Feldhahns can talk about money, and they feel closer than ever.
In this podcast episode, Shaunti gives us an overview of the 5 factors their research showed were underneath the surface of many couples’ tensions around money:
- We aren’t valuing what our partner values;
- We have fears our partner doesn’t comprehend and are using money to try to relieve them – which may be making our partner’s fears worse;
- Subconsciously (or consciously) we are resisting being fully one in marriage – and it is coming out in how we think about and handle money;
- We are clashing instead of connecting due to our different wiring for processing and communication;
- We’re having a knee-jerk reaction to something, because of wrong assumptions about money or our spouse.
Shaunti is eager to show couples how ‘money issues’ can bring them closer together!